I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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