3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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