and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
