TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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