i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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