I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
