Can i not drive my cunt home
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
