Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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