I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
