we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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