I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
