I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
