I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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