so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
