i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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