i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
is that a dick in a sweater?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
