just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
