i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
