Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Vodka?
Forever.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
