You're so nebulous sometimes
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
