We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
