Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
