The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
