it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
