I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
