Why are handjobs necessary in class?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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