I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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