After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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