Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
