I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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