I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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