I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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