I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
