shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
