all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I am spending my child support on dildos
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
