i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
