THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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