the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
