i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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