How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
