Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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