I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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