when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My friends, they love my intelligence
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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