My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
