Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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