I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
They took my balls.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
