Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
