so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
