this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
