Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
