remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
