Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Randomize
