I wanna passion pit in your ass
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
